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MEDIATION: A process in which a mediator facilitates communication
and negotiation between disputing parties to assist them in reaching a
voluntary agreement regarding their dispute.
Mediation is an opportunity for two or more people to come together
to try to work out a solution to their problem. A neutral third party,
the mediator, who is trained in conflict resolution, works with them to
create dialogue and ideas. The mediator is impartial and does not render
any decisions. Any agreement reached is designed by the parties
themselves to address their needs and wants.
Mediation is much less formal than going to court. However, there is
a process, to encourage a mutually beneficial outcome. Mediation is a
forward looking process focused on problem solving rather than wrong
doing.
The mediators job is to help the parties identify issues, explore
options, and help parties determine if a mutually satisfactory agreement
is possible.
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Tolerate Thy
Neighbor
By: Betsy Schiffman
Over the years, Martha Stewart's
disputes with her Westport, Conn., neighbors made her one of the more
unpopular residents in this affluent suburban town. But the chairman and
chief executive of Martha Stewart Omnimedia met her match more than five
years ago in Long Island's East Hampton when she took on new neighbor, New
York City real estate developer Harry Macklowe . She allegedly called
Matthew Munnich, Macklowe's landscaper, a slew of names too vulgar to
print and used her car to pin him against a security gate control box,
according to public records.
Naturally, Stewart denied Munnich's version of
events. She called the landscaper's story "ridiculous" and in a
subsequent lawsuit claimed Munnich was using the story to extort money out
of her.
Domestic diva's
disturbance |
At first glance, it's difficult to
believe the Stewart-Macklowe dispute could reach such violent
proportions. It centered around the landscaping bordering the
neighbors' properties on Georgica Pond. Stewart found Macklowe's
shrubbery distasteful, and when he built a fence that partially
blocked her view of the pond, she was outraged. Eight years after
the conflict started, Macklowe and Stewart have reportedly each
paid hundreds of thousands in legal fees to reach an agreement. |
| Theirs is not an unusual case, however. Homeowners regularly
find themselves in the middle of bizarre power plays with
neighbors over obstructed views, architectural tastes, pets'
excrement or noise. In the early 1990s, DreamWorks co-founder
David Geffen was sued by his Beverly Hills neighbors, who demanded
he cut down several trees that obstructed their views. (He
reportedly settled the case out of court for $700,000.) Fans of
the MTV reality program The Osbournes saw Sharon Osbourne throw a
baked ham in her neighbors' yard after they kept the Osbournes
awake singing "My Girl." |
Ozzy and Sharon:
Sensitive to noise |
Whether you are rich or poor,
loving one's neighbor is not always easy. While millionaires might have
the luxury to spend money on a legal resolution, most neighborly disputes
simmer for years. In many cases, relations can become so poisoned that
they result in restraining orders or ultimately lead to one family selling
their house. But it doesn't have to be that way. People who are serious
about settling a problem with their neighbors before they are compelled to
sue or sell can get help from a professional mediator.
A mediator--often a former attorney, social
worker or counselor--is someone who comes in to--as the name
indicates--mediate between two conflicting parties. The mediator doesn't
deliver a judgment or solution (unlike an arbitrator); he or she simply
tries to help both parties reach an agreement.
Too many times, though, mediation isn't used
unless local police recommend it or a judge orders it, at which point the
conflict has already been blown out of proportion. Kenneth Sullivan, a
Colorado-based attorney and mediator, says the most common source of
neighbor-against-neighbor disputes in Colorado is noise--specifically,
barking dogs. But he says most people spend 30 years passing nasty notes
to each another before trying to come to an agreement.
"In one case, there was a cul-de-sac with
four houses, and all four homeowners had restraining orders on the other
three homeowners," Sullivan says. "It gets complicated
quickly."
Top Complaints About Neighbors; 1. Noise 2. Property boundaries
(obstructed views) 3. Home/yard maintenance 4. Pets 5. Unruly kids 6.
Exterior/landscape design 7. Too many cars/parking
According to Judy Brannen, a longtime mediator
based in Southern California, "Noise is the name people put on the
problem, but it's often because of a generational gap. Neighborhoods
change, and a young-family neighborhood turns into a senior citizen
community 30 years later. So when a new young family moves in, it can
upset the balance. The issue may be noise, but it gets so blown out of
proportion and it becomes so emotional that it's hard to even identify the
source of the problem."
"Everyone has a different tolerance and a
different concept of noise," says Manhattan-based mediator Dr. Dorri
Jacobs. "Some people work at night; sometimes people are bothered by
children playing in the hall."
Boundary disputes are another lightning rod.
"Some disputes will go on seven years over fence lines or driveways,
and neighbors won't even talk about it," Brannen says. "They just
send letters back and forth. In order to get an agreement, they have to
explore the issues and come up with a solution. Sometimes it's a victory
just to get them to sit in the same room and talk."
When that happens, resolutions can be reached
easily and long-term tension avoided by simple communication.
"Sometimes people don't even realize there's an issue," says
Robin Seigle of the San Diego Mediation Center. "It can be solved
just by talking and saying, 'Here's our phone number. Next time my son
doesn't clean up after the dog, give us a call.' "
The San Diego Mediation Center has seen more than
150 cases of neighbor disputes in the first six months of this year, and
the agreement rate for those cases--the rate at which disputing parties
come to a mutually agreeable solution--was 86%. So what happened to the
14% that couldn't reach an agreement?
"People either have to live with the
conflict or move," Seigle says. "The ultimate failure is
violence. Luckily, that's not a daily occurrence."
It's puzzling that more people don't give
mediation a try. Public service mediators are surprisingly affordable. In
some cities, mediators charge just $10 to $25 for paperwork, since they
are subsidized by local governments that want to keep cases from clogging
the court system. And the agreement rate for most mediation cases ranges
between 75% and 95%.
There is also a growing breed of retired judges
and attorneys who have become private practice mediators. Unlike the
public service mediators, private practice mediators don't come quite as
cheap; they can charge from anywhere between $150 an hour to $2,000 a day.
Regardless of their fees, however, their services are essentially the same
as those provided by public mediators, and there's no way to guarantee
that parties will reach a better agreement through an expensive mediator.
But the thinking is that if the disputing parties are sharing the cost of
a mediator or arbitrator, they will be more willing to abide by whatever
agreement is reached.
"People that seek professional mediators are
oftentimes just look for a wise elder with white hair to tell them that
they're right," Seigle says. "As long as people live together,
there will be conflict, but it gets nasty when there's a lack of
communication or negative communication. A mediator generally clears up
misunderstandings."
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